Howdy, welcome to my 1st muse. How are you today? Me? I'm broken & forlorn but that's always a good place to start. A Marine buddy of mine taught me the 1st rule of survival when you're lost-realize you're lost. If you can't do that you're truly F! Since retiring I've been very depressed after a relationship of several yrs fell apart. Because of covid, i decided to try online dating. What's to loose? What i found was that I'm not a saught after catch. Why! Well I'm old-75+, a psychiatrist-some people find that scary, i don't mind pot which seems to offend many people in my age group & very religious community, I'm fat & out of shape, & finally I'm a Buddhist. What could be wrong with that you say? A lot! on the dating sites I've tried. I struggle with pain every day. It's like neuropathy from my toes to my nose as a result of a stroke i had 8 yrs ago & is why i retired. Sadly i didn't have a chance to say goodbye to my patients. I was there & then i was gone. Then about the same time my wife of 40 yrs died. I was lost until a dear friend suggested intry ceramics being taught a my local museum by a renowned potter. A first i tried to sculpt what happened to my body. Feet, hands, brain & bladder. The art classes that followed made life fun & worth living again. Why so much about me? To grow requires honest reflection so i want to be as honest as i can with the reader.
Life since has been up & then 2 yrs ago crashing down when i almost died from congestive heart failure. Why? Because I'd lost another relationship & had given up again; so neglecting my health that it almost killed me. I am now trying to restart my life again & these musings are my way of giving back to anyone who needs sucor. Life is full of tragedy & sorrow but to be alone & abandoned is the worst thing of all. Covid has done that to many of us.
Warning none of the stuff i mention are easy. But because they may be hard & require risk, that's what makes them worthwhile.
So, 3 lessons today: 1) admit to your suffering & try & come to some kind of terms with it. You will be able to do it in stages like climbing a steep ascent & maybe like sisyphus you'll fall down & need to start over. 2) realize that you're not really as alone as you think. That's why kids today are lost in their phones. Find connections with someone real that you may be able to trust with your feelings & whatever inadequacies that may plague you. 3( give expression to your spirit. Any creative act can give you buckets of salve. Nourish your spirit in any way that appeals to you. The key is to make something: fix a car, write a poem or a song, bake a cake. Then if you dare, share it with someone & ignore any negative feedback that may emerge because Next time you can Share it with someone else.🥣
A tip if you're bothered by trying to be perfect. There's a wonderful book for you called “wreck this journal” by Keri smith. It's great fun.
Enclosed are 2 of my recent digital pics celebrating the new year.